By: Abaigeal Nicholas
From a young age, I’ve fallen prey to my social anxiety. One of the first home videos I recall watching of myself, I was in a diaper repeating “Nobody likes me.” My parents would giggle at this statement because it is, in short, a ridiculous thing for a toddler to say and I was incapable of pronouncing the letter ‘L’. But as time went on, this seemingly cute catch phrase morphed into a concerning worldview that I clutched into adulthood.
Social anxiety has kept me awake at night wondering if I said the wrong thing, eaten away at my self-confidence, and encouraged people to use me as a doormat. I know I’m not alone in these feelings and, until recently, I was prepared to experience them for my entire life.
Now, armed with 22 years of unbridled nervousness and an aggressive amount of caffeine, I’m setting out to help myself and others shake the social scaries and find their best selves. Join me on a light comedic journey towards growth and healing.
This intro is getting lengthy, so let’s get after it, shall we?
Lie #1: I never say the right thing.
The Truth: I can’t count the number of times I’ve walked away from a conversation thinking “Holy rats! I can’t believe I just said that. They’re going to think I’m so weird.” In my head, I often kick myself for harmless words the moment they come out of my mouth, but here’s the truth: as long as you’re not saying something extremely off the wall or just plain hateful, no one is going to think about what you said for over 10 seconds. They’re just not. You’re not God and no one expects you to spout Confucius-like wisdom every time you open your mouth.
Lie#2: If I don’t do a favor for this person, they won’t like me anymore.
The Truth: Unless this person is an evil tyrant (who you shouldn’t want in your life anyways), they will not be mad if you aren’t available to pick up their dog from daycare two hours away at a moment’s notice. You do not need to be Superman to be well-liked. Being a helpful member of society and contributing to the common good of the people around you is fabulous, unless you are doing it out of the fear of being hated. When you can help out with a meaningful cause, by all means go for it.
Lie #3: I am a burden to the people in my life.
The Truth: Your existence is not a burden. Your existence is not a burden! [One more time for the people in the back.] YOUR EXISTENCE IS NOT A BURDEN! You do not need to be sorry for being here on this earth with normal human needs. You are not obligated to feel guilty for weeks on end because you made a normal human mistake. You have permission to take up whatever space you need, ask questions that might be silly, and unashamedly blare any band, except Nickelback, with your car windows down.
Lie #4: Nobody truly likes me.
The Truth: Here’s the real kicker: even if you’re the world’s smelliest little demon, someone likes you. On top of that, the odds of you being a great person that most people like is extremely high. If you’re doing your best to be a nice human being and have avoided kicking a puppy in the last 365 days, you’re a pretty likable dude/dudette.
Really, truly, honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I can tell you that your social anxiety is a dirty, rotten, cotton-headed ninnymuggins and you have no business listening to it. Wake up. Tell yourself you’re enough. And repeat. Then do it again until it feels like breathing. You are enough. You are enough. Doggone it, people like you!